Happiness
is found when
you stop
comparing
yourself to other
people.
Having a blog is just a place for me to rant about sad stuff. It seems like i never ever blog about any happy times. But assuming no one reads this it should be alright.
After a year filled with failures from last year, this year I believe I am doing better.
However, this is when expectations kick in. I don't want just a pass in my subjects, I want to do better than that. This isn't even about being easily contented just coz' I'm able to pass. But i feel like i should be doing better than that. I absolutely abhor the fact that I'm never going to ever be better than the others. Most of the times I feel like I don't belong there.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with these feelings but I don't really know who I can go to. People are either too busy with their work or with their other friends. I mentioned my tendency to hold people close to heart, but it isn't the case at the opposite end.
What am I good at really?
In a school filled with people who are smarter and more talented than me. I don't really know who I am and what I'll become. The saying that the people that appears the happiest are actually the saddest on the inside. People don't realise that do they? So tired of making a brave face, I'm not even sure if its a facade just so that people will like me or is that really me? No matter how positive I try to be does positive things really happen in my life? I really hate that I have to constantly put in more effort than the others to get what they have. People have a flair in sciences or in arts, whereas I have to put in extra effort into everything because I'm good at none. I get so tired of trying so hard to get people to like me and yet I'm not very sure if I really mean something to them. Which is why I'm so tired of being around them. Being alone is somehow my sanctuary because I can live without having to deal with people and away from the disappointment of me never being enough for them. I'm constantly giving but god, I'm so tired of not getting what i give.
In a school filled with people who are smarter and more talented than me. I don't really know who I am and what I'll become. The saying that the people that appears the happiest are actually the saddest on the inside. People don't realise that do they? So tired of making a brave face, I'm not even sure if its a facade just so that people will like me or is that really me? No matter how positive I try to be does positive things really happen in my life? I really hate that I have to constantly put in more effort than the others to get what they have. People have a flair in sciences or in arts, whereas I have to put in extra effort into everything because I'm good at none. I get so tired of trying so hard to get people to like me and yet I'm not very sure if I really mean something to them. Which is why I'm so tired of being around them. Being alone is somehow my sanctuary because I can live without having to deal with people and away from the disappointment of me never being enough for them. I'm constantly giving but god, I'm so tired of not getting what i give.
