How time has flown by, and its already 2017. 2016 hasn't been easy, but it was a year filled with fond memories too. Stepping out of comfort zones, taking up difficult tasks and experiencing new things. One of which was going for an Overseas Community Service Project to Vietnam, and I never regretted it. Met some of the nicest people, and made friends with some! Really happy to have Rebe, Seb and YK in the team and those late night talks and monopoly deal games! Hope our friendship will get stronger and last a long time! (:

And of course turning 21. Decided not to have a party because, time and money, and the day just passed by like any other. I didn't feel like I've suddenly learnt how to be an adult. And I guess I was slightly disappointed that it was so underwhelming. Still thankful that one group of friends did celebrate the day for me. Turned 21 but I still feel like an emotional wreck, lost and have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.

2016, the year of trying to be fitter and going for my first AND second run! 5km and 10km respectively! Sounds like nothing much but its really a feat for me, considering I hardly even run and exercise before that.

Met up with old friends and feeling blessed to have them in my life. But also wondering, who exactly my true friends are. How do I define close friends. Questions, I have yet know the answer to.

Went for orientation camps as a camp facilitator. Maybe it wasn't entirely the best time, but I didn't regret for trying. It just made me realise, how every person is different and no matter how hard I try, there are times whereby you'll never be able to click with these people. Spent quite a lot of time agonising over this and feeling miserable about it. How much i wanted it to be fun, and how hard I tried to be sociable and make friends. But things don't always work out the way I want it to. And I need to be okay with that. Trying to come to terms with it but its hard.

Taking up a leadership role, even if its not a huge role, but its definitely a huge step for me. There was a lot of self doubt, and I still have insecurities. Worried that i'm not good enough, fear that my team will not like me, having expectations when I know should have none, to minimize disappointments. I'm still working on them and I don't know when i'll ever get over them. Times where I do enjoy what I'm doing but am still overwhelmed by fear. How much I want to be close to people and want people to depend on me but it turns out, my need for affirmation and my insecurities really got my brain to overdrive. When I realised, the real monsters are the monsters in my head. Overthinking got me emotional and sensitive. And I really hate that. 

My intense need for people to like me. How many times, I've actually felt left out, not entirely sure if its caused by my overthinking or it really appears that way. Always putting people on the pedestal and tend to put them of higher importance than i am in their hearts. Wondering if my friends, are actually my true friends, or if I'm even close to them. Somehow I always felt like i'm on the sidelines, watching them instead of being with them. That's when I just want to shut down and close myself off from the world. Because no matter how hard I try, I still feel like I'm alone even with my supposed friends in my life. Not sure if people really know me or if I really know them at all. Sometimes, I just want a hug and someone to ask a simple "How are you?" 

So for this year, I just want to live happily. Stop overthinking things. People don't owe you anything and they are not obliged to care for you. Your own happiness doesn't depend on anyone but yourself. Do the best that you can, and you know what? If these people don't make you happy, leave them out. Work hard in school, focus on the things that are important to you. Don't let every little thing affect you. And so what if you don't have a boyfriend, or maybe your friends are too busy. You have control over your life and your own emotions. Take a break if you need to, exercise and eat healthily for a healthy body and mind. Just breathe. You'll get to where you wanna be eventually. 2017. You're going to be great. Believe in it. Believe in yourself.