Goodbye 2017

5:57 PM


As 2017 comes to an end and as clichéd as it is, its time to summarise and reflect on the past year. I believe the first half of the year was a lil emotional (I mean what's new), a lot of overthinking and over reacting on my part possibly. A hell lot of internal turmoil and insecurities surfaced. However, I took a break and distanced myself from people that sorta triggered those negative feelings indirectly. Honestly, these people weren't toxic and its probably a lot of it being in my head, but some people just weren't suppose to be in your life forever, and you probably would have realised that. An accumulation of resentment and grieving over friendships lost but I think over the past year I've honestly learnt to let things go. Does it still hurt when looking back at it, yes, a little. However, I just have to move on and just focus on the good memories. They left a mark in my life and I learnt from the experience. So that's that. 

Had my first internship in a startup and though it was totally not what I expected, but overall the experience wasn't a bad one. The people I've met through it were nice enough, and surprisingly I'm still working for them. Not sure if i'm regretting that decision but it'll be a short stint, so hopefully it'll be a quick and painless one! 

Can't believe i'm in my third year for uni? Where has all the time gone to??? Time needs to slow down a little. The semester was hard even though I only had 4 modules. The number of late nights i've pulled rushing assignments and projects (partially because procrastination. coughs coughs.) However, it was really fulfilling at the same time? I worked hard for those projects and assignments and the end result to me was really satisfying. Grades wise, maybe it doesn't totally reflect it, but I know I did put in my best for those. Still that lazy ass studying wise but in terms of group work, I really worked for those and really enjoyed working with my group mates too. And on that note, I'm part of a startup now??? I'm not exactly sure if i'm considered an intern or what but i'm kinda heading the marketing aspect so that's sorta cool. (super stressed out about it too) It just kinda happened, like one of my project group mates somehow saw some sort of potential in me (this is madness and i'm super flattered) and asked me to join them. Of course I still had be to interviewed by the other co-founder, and that was a whole stressful situation on its own. It really is jumping into unknown territories and I am hella uncomfortable and unsure. But here's to pushing my limits I guess??? Wish me luck and hope I really don't disappoint.

Amongst other cool things that happened this year, I tried out ballet! Really had fun in ballet classes with my friend, Rebe. And so thankful for her to get me on that, its just enjoyable and yes I still can't pirouette but i'll get there. Eventually. Also, had my first half marathon???? Thought signing up for that would force me to get up my ass and exercise more but that didn't exactly happen... I tried though. I really did. And even with the lack of training, I still managed to run 3/4 of the whole thing and survived. A pat on my back for that? 

This holiday was a really fruitful one, worked to earn that moolah and just anticipating new and exciting things to come! Also, my first time travelling to Taiwan! Enjoyed myself there and really miss the sweater weather, the friendly people (some not so friendly ones as well), the language (missed speaking mandarin and watching taiwanese dramas and Chinese songs??? so much of my childhood memories) and the country. 

All in all, I would say 2017 was a pretty good year, even with those sucky parts and lots of self doubt, it kinda closed on a good note? (with some overwhelming news but still exciting nevertheless). I definitely grew a little more and am thankful for those opportunities given to me. Grateful for the people around me, even though I don't have many friends but I've learnt to appreciate them, and those little quality time I get to spend with them. I'm on the road of self discovery and I'm loving it. 

En route to 2018 and the adventure it'll lead me on. Cheers!

personal

Summer'17

10:01 PM


Its been awhile. And my summer break from school is coming to an end real soon. But let's start from the very beginning of it shall we? Before I was even done with my second year of uni, I felt really stressed out and unhappy(this isn't surprising at all?) due to various factors and maybe overthinking too. So during my study week, I just spontaneously asked my childhood best friend to go on a trip with me, because I really needed a break badly. A reprieve of some sort, before internship starts. We went to Bali, explored a little, ate lots of expensive food and climbed a mountain. I think I really needed that and also those 4 days were spent to catch up with my friend. She's awfully busy being an architecture student. Right after, we parted ways and she went back to Singapore while I went to Jakarta to visit my grandma. It was a lot of resting and reading. I felt refreshed at least. And I think, I managed to let go a little about the things I've been stressing about.

I'm really thankful that I managed to find an internship to clear my uni requirement, even though the stipend was not that great. I wouldn't say I hated my job but, its just that I was expecting a lot more, a desire to learn a lot more. So I would say the experience hasn't been as fulfilling as I wanted it to be. Now i'm left with 1 week to go!!! At least, I had a buddy for 5 weeks, out of the 14 weeks I'm here for. The bosses are nice to me so I'm glad. I realised how exhausting working can be, even though I don't do much? All I want to do is actually sleep.

Can't believe how fast time has flown by, caught up with friends who really matter and I think time away from school really helped me clear my mind. Really hope that the new semester would be a fresh start and push me to work a lot harder! I think for this summer, I can really say that I've let some things go (not all but at least some) and really thankful for what I do have.


music lovin'

Music Lovin' #17 (Fly Me to the Moon/Lucky (Sinatra/Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat MASHUP) Rick Hale & Breea Guttery)

10:29 AM


Recently saw a choreography of Fly Me To The Moon, a song by Frank Sinatra, and it gave me all the feels for his songs, because of all the awesomeness - the jazzy, swing goodness. So not only did I find covers of Fly Me To The Moon on youtube, because listening to people's remakes of the oldie is just so wonderful, but I found this mashup of not only fly me to the moon, but with Lucky too! Can't say enough about my love for Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat (still butchering her last name by the way), and Lucky just brings back a lot of memories from my OCSP trip (I had a post on the trip itself). I just love how an oldie and a modern song can blend seamlessly together. Currently listening to Frank Sinatra's playlist on spotify because why not??? I would love to go to a Jazz bar someday, and watch a guy play a saxophone with a singer crooning all the jazz classics (how incredible would that be???) I digress, but the focus is on this mash up and Frank Sinatra's amazeballs voice and music. Sometimes, I'd think I was born in the wrong generation but with today's technology I am still able to listen to all these oldies, so I guess that's alright.

personal

Goodbye, insecurities

12:32 AM





I've always been a girl who is insecure and lacks confidence. I have no idea why, but ever since I was young, I surround myself with pillows when I sleep and worry about everything. I had teachers who looked down on me and maybe I live behind my sister's shadow? I'm not saying that I'm not proud of my sister's achievements, I'm incredibly proud to have a sister like her, and she has her own setbacks and expectations too. I'm not entirely sure why but I shy away from the limelight and generally, I feel like I'm never enough.

Was talking to my friend the other day, touching on the topic of insecurities and how they bother me a lot more in uni. I get frequent mood swings and I have a hard time dealing with all the emotions. And her response (shown in the picture) really put things into perspective. I have always been juggling with my fear of judgements and I would always get so upset over the fact that I would always give a lot more than I receive, especially in friendships. I would crave "love" and acceptance so much, and give my all, hoping that people would reciprocate. I wanted to be the cool kid, the popular one, but slowly it evolved to just wanting people to accept me and like me for who I am, regardless if its a small group of friends. As I have mentioned, I tend to place people on the pedestal and I really put in quite a bit into friendships. I give and give and hope that people will find me trustworthy too. It gets exhausting when I realised, some things are just not within my control. I can be nice and kind or even confide in them, but how they feel about me, is something I can't control. Maybe you can call me clingy, but when I really like someone, even just platonic love, I just want to spend more time with them. I start depending on them, but they don't necessarily need me. My presence might not be appreciated and I get extremely hurt when I'm left out of things. Because they are more important to me than I am to them. However, it takes 2 hands to clap, and sometimes people just don't care enough. I need to accept that fact. People come and go, and when my friend mentioned, "most friendships don't last", I guess I realised I need to let things go more easily. Why am I trying so hard when it seems as though this investment might be a loss rather than a gain.

Looks wise, I know I'm not the prettiest, neither am I skinny enough in society's standards. But my love for food, is just too great for me to go on diets. When my own relative says that I'm fat, of course I get affected. However, for now, I just want to be healthy. Exercise and eat healthily (though this is not really working out halfway through the semester).

I guess its fine to mope a little, but dwelling on such trivial things is not worth it. I guess that's what I learnt, to let go of things I can't control.

Two;

4:10 PM

Stay calm, dear heart.
You have no reason to break apart,
Murmured the brain.


One;

11:49 PM

Late into the night
Mind runs into overdrive
Thoughts breaking the silence
Breaking down the mask
into pieces

personal

Growth

12:58 AM

It didn't occur to me that I could have grown in this short period of time. However, I guess that's what challenges make you do, forces you to step out of your comfort zone and learn. Then, I start to wonder, must we go through pain in order to grow?

personal

Picking Yourself Up From A Rut

9:10 PM


Even Castles made of sand, fall into the sea, eventually.

There have been many times I will fall into a rut and form a pity party for myself, usually during the midst of the school semester when the stress gets overwhelming. I've recently read an article on thoughtcatalog (its pretty addictive even if some articles aren't all that great, but mostly relatable for me), and I agree to the writer's standpoint. (Becca Martin's articles on the site are pretty well written actually) More often than not, I pick at my own flaws and insecurities, I'm not entirely sure if its me overthinking things, but in these situations, I fall into this trap of self-pity and I guess hatred for myself and the world? Be it physical appearance, or times where I feel that I'm not enough, I'll fall into this state of depression (maybe melancholy is a better word, because I don't think I'm depressed? like you just happen to have bad days). I will hide, avoid human interaction and all forms of communication. I guess in a way I'm trying to shy away from the real world and just want to deal with these thoughts alone. I feel lonely sometimes, but yet I want to be alone, its a very bizarre contradiction but that's exactly how I feel. Partially because i'm afraid that people might not understand where I'm coming from, being a hypersensitive person and also I'm not that sure who I can really confide in. 

I guess the article really puts me into perspective, everyone's obsessed with their own problems and they are not obliged to be there for you every single time. Are words of affirmation really enough to settle my insecurities? Is that really what I want? Most of the times, I don't know what I want and that's an issue. Happiness comes from within and not found in other people. The phrase, "other people have it worst than you do", sometimes its like a reminder that hey, you don't deserve to feel upset about such a trivial thing, its like a first world problem and you're being self-centered, but at the same time, don't we all deserve to have our bad days and feel upset about certain things? Nobody is happy 100% of the time, nobody is perfect and we all have our bad days. As much as your friends and family might be able to cheer you up a little, they're not always there by your side, and you have to realise that the only person you can depend on, is yourself. I guess that's a scary thought as well, its not that you cannot trust anyone, but the fact that not everyone can be trusted. However, the real monsters are still the monsters in our heads and I really hope that I can beat those monsters. 

I'm still very lost and I really want to know what my end goals are, this will probably take a while. Well for now, I'll just wish to handle my emotions better and pull myself out of those pity parties I tend to have. 

personal

2016

1:07 AM


How time has flown by, and its already 2017. 2016 hasn't been easy, but it was a year filled with fond memories too. Stepping out of comfort zones, taking up difficult tasks and experiencing new things. One of which was going for an Overseas Community Service Project to Vietnam, and I never regretted it. Met some of the nicest people, and made friends with some! Really happy to have Rebe, Seb and YK in the team and those late night talks and monopoly deal games! Hope our friendship will get stronger and last a long time! (:

 Incredibly thankful for the opportunity to go to China with the school and meeting these people! Even though we aren't extremely close, I'm still incredibly happy for this experience! Picked up running from a friend of mine from this trip and its really great to meet people of different ages and faculties! Found some of the best running buddies and fried chicken buddy as well!


And of course turning 21. Decided not to have a party because, time and money, and the day just passed by like any other. I didn't feel like I've suddenly learnt how to be an adult. And I guess I was slightly disappointed that it was so underwhelming. Still thankful that one group of friends did celebrate the day for me. Turned 21 but I still feel like an emotional wreck, lost and have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.


2016, the year of trying to be fitter and going for my first AND second run! 5km and 10km respectively! Sounds like nothing much but its really a feat for me, considering I hardly even run and exercise before that.


Met up with old friends and feeling blessed to have them in my life. But also wondering, who exactly my true friends are. How do I define close friends. Questions, I have yet know the answer to.


Went for orientation camps as a camp facilitator. Maybe it wasn't entirely the best time, but I didn't regret for trying. It just made me realise, how every person is different and no matter how hard I try, there are times whereby you'll never be able to click with these people. Spent quite a lot of time agonising over this and feeling miserable about it. How much i wanted it to be fun, and how hard I tried to be sociable and make friends. But things don't always work out the way I want it to. And I need to be okay with that. Trying to come to terms with it but its hard.




Taking up a leadership role, even if its not a huge role, but its definitely a huge step for me. There was a lot of self doubt, and I still have insecurities. Worried that i'm not good enough, fear that my team will not like me, having expectations when I know should have none, to minimize disappointments. I'm still working on them and I don't know when i'll ever get over them. Times where I do enjoy what I'm doing but am still overwhelmed by fear. How much I want to be close to people and want people to depend on me but it turns out, my need for affirmation and my insecurities really got my brain to overdrive. When I realised, the real monsters are the monsters in my head. Overthinking got me emotional and sensitive. And I really hate that. 

My intense need for people to like me. How many times, I've actually felt left out, not entirely sure if its caused by my overthinking or it really appears that way. Always putting people on the pedestal and tend to put them of higher importance than i am in their hearts. Wondering if my friends, are actually my true friends, or if I'm even close to them. Somehow I always felt like i'm on the sidelines, watching them instead of being with them. That's when I just want to shut down and close myself off from the world. Because no matter how hard I try, I still feel like I'm alone even with my supposed friends in my life. Not sure if people really know me or if I really know them at all. Sometimes, I just want a hug and someone to ask a simple "How are you?" 



So for this year, I just want to live happily. Stop overthinking things. People don't owe you anything and they are not obliged to care for you. Your own happiness doesn't depend on anyone but yourself. Do the best that you can, and you know what? If these people don't make you happy, leave them out. Work hard in school, focus on the things that are important to you. Don't let every little thing affect you. And so what if you don't have a boyfriend, or maybe your friends are too busy. You have control over your life and your own emotions. Take a break if you need to, exercise and eat healthily for a healthy body and mind. Just breathe. You'll get to where you wanna be eventually. 2017. You're going to be great. Believe in it. Believe in yourself.


personal

Overseas Community Service Project in Hue, Vietnam

10:52 PM



So its been awhile and this post is long overdue. Summer has been really fulfilling for me thus far, and this trip was the first trip I went on right after finals back in April. Though its been about 2 months, I'm still missing the 2 weeks in Hue, Vietnam. In case you didn't know what an Overseas Community Service Project (OCSP, sometimes also called OCIP) is, its basically where we volunteer overseas in an attempt to help the people in need in the community. My school offers a lot of such opportunities and I know such projects are not entirely beneficial and the benefits are not long-lasting or sustainable. It is more of a self-fulfillment trip to say the least. I feel like it benefits us, as volunteers, more than the community there. Exposure to different cultures, a different lifestyle and learning to appreciate the simplicities in life. Its a trip for self-discovery, learning more about ourselves through hopefully beneficial voluntary work. 

What my group dIid in Hue was to educate primary school kids English as well as imparting micro finance skills to the local villagers. The micro finance part appealed to me, even though i personally do not study finance, which was why i decided to join this project. I personally do not entirely believe in the benefits of building infrastructures as part of OCSPs, because truthfully how many fences/toilets etc. does a village need? These projects are sustained in a way such that students will go back every year for subsequent instalments. However, if these volunteers were to build the same thing over and over again every year, what's the purpose of that? Maybe some would argue, how much can you teach in 2 weeks? Would the kids honestly benefit from it? Yes, it is true that there's not much we can teach the students in such a short period of time, but I choose to believe that we might have left an impact on their lives which spurs them on. And once again, as I've mentioned OCSPs are truly self-fulfilment trips that benefit us, more than the locals there.

 The project I was part of was a pioneer project, so there was actually a lot of things that we have to do to lay the foundation of this project. The team worked really hard, and especially for the programmes team, they had to come up with the lesson plans and materials. As a pioneer project, there were of course lots of hiccups throughout the trip, especially for the micro finance portion. Education wise, we taught 2 primary schools and their standards of English was vastly different. We had to be spontaneous and plan every single night to better suit the curriculum to the different schools' students. As for the micro finance, we had to change it almost entirely since it was too theoretical. Thankfully we managed to improvise and the programme generally flowed quite smoothly after but the first few days were spent being flustered.

2 weeks seemed pretty long in hindsight but in reality, the 2 weeks passed by in a blink of an eye. I guess the time you enjoy just seemed to pass by really quickly. Even though we didn't do many physical labour, I remembered being absolutely exhausted at the end of the day. We taught in the morning and afternoon, and followed by the micro finance lessons in the night. Though there were short breaks in between, the days were definitely packed. I felt that because what we were doing was (sort of) meaningful, it was very fulfilling. Even though we were all tired at the end of the day, we never complained and i guess we all bonded while doing our work throughout the 2 weeks. Initially, I was terribly afraid that i wouldn't be able to click with my team mates, as I didn't know all of them well. I had some acquaintances but wouldn't say we were all that close. Furthermore, there were only 3 girls in the team, me included. However, after the 2 weeks, I'm very thankful that these people were in the team. We've grown closer, and they are all incredibly nice humble, while at least the majority of them. Though I didn't exactly talk to every single one of them, the group dynamics was awesome. I'm hoping we don't lose contact with each other, and continue to meet up and talk about what we're up to. Time spent with them really gives me an ab workout since they're super humorous. 

I think one major takeaway from the trip, as cliched as it sounds is learning to be content. Honestly speaking, I wasn't as emotionally attached to the kids as I want to, but they definitely did bring joy in my short time spent with them. One incident that made me so incredibly proud, was how they put in the effort to memorise the numbers 1-20 in English, because I spelt it for them. Their "Good Morning, my name is _____. Nice to meet you. How are you?" really brighten up my day. They definitely made me feel like a superstar when they asked for my autograph and how they eagerly pulled me around to show me their favourite activities, making me read a story in English for them. Thinking about those days, the memories felt so distant yet it also felt like it just happened yesterday. The kids have to be independent at such a young age, one girl was baby sitting her baby sister and they have to help out around the house. Yet, still maintained that childlike innocence and the pure joy they have for life, those little things, really hit me hard. How they can be easily contented with our company and really just the simple things in life. All these with a language barrier. Love really do transcends barriers. Was it difficult to communicate with them, definitely. Sometimes, frustrating even, because there's so much more you want to share with them, and there's so much more about them that i want to learn about. Sometimes, all you can do it smile at them and hope that they feel the joy in my heart too. There were translators, but there's a limit to how much they can help. 

Things during that period was just simple and the only thing we have to think about is what to have for our meals. Its like a reprieve and I enjoy the process of getting to know people, since we were kind of forced to be together, we really did enjoy each other's company, joking and working together. We connected without the use of technology and I found that really enjoyable. Face to face time is really the realest. When the trip is over, I have to think about whether or not we will stay close and being back to reality and worry about other responsibilities.

Thinking about all these memories really making me feel a tinge of sadness, and I've been rewatching the video we had for the trip repeatedly. The quote at the end really did hit me hard. "The best thing about memories, is making them." How true it is, because those were the times that were unforgettable, and it'll forever be imprinted in my heart. 

music lovin'

Music Lovin' #15 (Can't Feel My Superbass Mash-up - Dodie Clark, Andie Isalie & Orla Gartland)

11:03 PM


Hello internet humans, its been awhile... BUT I'VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THESE YOUTUBE SINGERS LATELY!!! THEY'RE SO DAMN TALENTED! So much love that I need to spread it! They're really awesome individually as well so go check out their channels! LOVE LOVE LOVE ANDIE'S COVER OF SHAKE IT OFF AND RIPTIDE ESPECIALLY! Her voice is just so incredibly good and her covers are definitely really different, good different. Dodie is so adorable!!! Her awkward duet with Jon Mozart, aka Paint, is so freaking cute I can't even describe it. (OMG GO CHECK OUT ANDIE AND DODIE'S COVER OF LOVE YOURSELF, you won't regret it) Orla is really talented too! She makes her own original songs and I think she looks so pretty!!! (her covers all have a flair toooooo!) ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE MAD GUITAR/UKULELE SKILLS I'M SO JEALOUS.
yup that's the end of my fangirling moment. but seriously, check them out ;)
ps. finals are coming and SOON SUMMER! WHOOP WHOOP EXCITING THINGS COMING UP!

note to self

Note to self #1

11:29 PM

"Promise me you'll remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
- Christopher Robin to Pooh, A.A.Milne

 Don't be too hard on yourself, turn those negativity stress into a positive force to push you forward, believe in yourself, even if things don't seem to go your way. Keep going, keep breathing.

music lovin'

Music Lovin' #14 (California - Mindy Gledhill)

12:04 AM


Hey people on the internet! Happy New Year since this is the first post of 2016! Haven't done a Music Lovin' post in such a long time so I'm back with one! This song isn't new to me and I've been obsessed with Mindy Gledhill's music since 5 years ago or so? How did I find out about her? From watching Michelle Phan's make up tutorials hahahah. Yes I was addicted to Youtube and make up tutorials since 2009 or so and Michelle Phan likes to use Mindy Gledhill's music in her videos and I'm glad since I was able to get to know great talent like hers. I chose this video specifically because she sounds EXACTLY the same live and on her recordings or maybe even better??? I would say her music is whimsical and just makes me really happy when I'm listening to her songs. Her christmas album is pretty great too! 

California is a really cute song probably great for a road trip or just travelling in general? Or even when you feel like going on a trip but is not able to... listen to this and imagine where you could go? The possibilities are endless but its just a light hearted song to be enjoyed, kick back and relax while listening to this! Hope you'll enjoy this song as much as I do! Till next time, Toodles!

personal

2015 in a nutshell

1:15 AM

Another year just flew by and we are all growing older. Since 2015 is coming to an end, I think it would be appropriate to do a post on this past year! 2015 has been quite a year, full of new experiences and changes. From working to entering university, there has been great times and of course some bad times as well. But look at how far we've come, I'm a year older, not sure if I'm wiser but its scary how fast time has passed. I've made a few photo collages, not in the correct order though so I'll just sum up some of the bigger moments this year.


So this were the most liked photos I've posted on Instagram and they're mostly with the people I've met in Uni, from my faculty camp, to project group mates etc. Glad that I've met all of them, even though I'm not the closest with all of them, I'm glad I've met them along the way.


From attending my JC teacher's wedding to working in another company and my first time in a club (even though all I saw was the school pageant since I left at 12am... so is that still counted as a clubbing experience???) some more camps I've gone to and of course my friend's graduation as well as going for HC's Mid Autumn Celebration with my friend who is currently studying in the US.


This is a collage for my Korea trip back in July, which me and my family went to Jeju, Busan and Seoul. It was amazing and I'd love to go back to Korea again! (I know I promised a post on this) And this month, I went back to Jakarta, saw some of my nieces and nephews, who are oh so cute! & me and my sister even went to Pari Island, one of the thousand islands in Indonesia, so that was pretty cool! I went snorkelling for the first time and even saw wild dolphins!!!!! OH & Gigi turned 10 this year! look at the cute photo of her in her christmas outfit ^^ I'm pretty much just rotting at home for the past few days without much plans, resting to get ready for school next week?
My semester in school hasn't been easy, having to adapt to a new system and also being the laziest person I know, my results are not so good to say the least. I'm glad I've met really nice people in school and some people I can say are my friends, maybe not the closest but I hope we can get there, of course I miss my friends from JC and secondary school and with our busy schedules, seeing each other is almost an impossible task. I guess as we grow up we really need to put in more effort to maintain relationships and its then we know who are important to us. & With that, here's my New Year's resolution for 2016:
  1. Pre-read & Revise for my classes in school (GPA is cumulative and I really need to buck up)
  2. Exercise at least once a week (I know getting fit is always on the list)
  3. Eat healthier? (This is kind of difficult to keep to... :l)
  4. Give back
  5. Be kind (This is kind of linked to the previous point?)
  6. Be less judgemental
  7. Have a better temper
  8. Procrastinate less!!!!
  9. Plan!
  10. Be more thrifty!
  11. Do something that makes me happy
  12. Step out of my comfort zone and do something I've never done before
  13. Be positive and bring joy to people around me
  14. Be a better leader!
So far this is what I've come up with! Hope everyone had a great 2015, and even if its not, each new day is a new start so stay positive and march on! (: Enjoy what's left of 2015! Happy New Year in advanced!

personal

Exhaustion

11:03 PM

Hey people on the internet! I'm currently on my mid term break which doesn't even seem like a break at all since I'm going to school almost every single day this week? Uni life was totally not what i expected it to be. Endless projects and so much to catch up on, its overwhelming me. I had my mid terms and they are already pretty terrible. I'm horrible at time management and I feel so dumb in uni because everyone else in comparison just seem to have their life together and are able to understand things being taught. Where here I am, drowning in the big sea, barely surviving. I'm being deprived of sleep trying to get things done and just so so tired. There are many times I'm just questioning all my life choices, whether I even fit in? And I'm just so afraid that history will repeat whereby I just break down and give up. 

Though I've met some pretty nice people in school, I just wonder if those friendships will last, whether they'll become my close friends or not. Everybody is just everywhere and sometimes I miss my old friends so much. But everyone's just so busy with their own lives, its difficult to catch up with them & there's always this fear that those friendships will eventually fade away, fear that I will be replaced or maybe I'm just not that important to them as they are to me. 

Projects are the worst. Grouping with people you don't know and meeting people that just work so differently, its difficult to get things done. You're forced to work with people you know you will never be friends with, as sad as it sounds. And people say uni is easier, bunch of liars, all of them. So so exhausted.

personal

Some Life Updates

9:47 PM


Greetings people on the Internet! Its been 4 months since I last updated this space which I feel quite sad about since I wanted to commit to posting more frequently and also to keep a record of things I've done! But I guess I' sort of back? The past 4 months had passed by in a blur! With work, travelling, and the ending of my 8 months break to getting back to school, I've been pretty busy. I believe my break had been a fulfilling one. Though it would be great if it was even longer. School just started, this week being the first week, and its been stressful and daunting and (sorta exciting???) but not really. There's so many things that I need to get used to, so many things I'm still trying to understand, its been a rather rough week. 

I'm not quite sure if I'm really liking the course or the school yet... I've met some really nice people so far though! . Work wise, I'm confused most of the time. There's a whole lot of math and I have a feeling I would actually start hating math. I used to really look forward to becoming a uni student and expected uni to be easier and more fun, but so far I think I'm mostly scared, worried and stressed out. It seems really challenging and I'm just lost. Hopefully, I'd be able to adapt and be more disciplined, hardworking and stuff. I would really need a University survival guide, like Ned's declassified school survival guide, but for university.

Oh and the picture above is a picture of me in front of a waterfall in Jeju, South Korea, which was where I went to last month! That's something I'd probably be posting in the future! So I guess that's all I'd like to talk about for now! Till next time, Cheers!

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Moving Forward

4:36 PM

Let's just say my grades... are not so good. I'm not just talking about my school's standard but in general. It probably is sufficient for entering the local universities. Was I disappointed? Yes but I guess considering I wasn't the most hardworking or motivated person I could have been, I can't really complain. Of course I had expectations, and even though overall I did improve from my usual sucky school grades (all except one...), it doesn't make them less sucky. I did mourn over my grades but having to decide on what I want to do in uni was harder. First of all, I don't really have an idea of what I am interested in. Secondly, my choices are limited considering my grades. Thirdly, what's practical for the future.

Maybe some of you would say, just chase your dreams even if its not the common route, you can still succeed in life. You don't want to regret when you're stuck in a 9-5 job in an office. However, the problem now is, I don't even have a dream (I mean a realistic one). Of course I wanted to be a celebrity, a singer or theatre or some creative job or something, but in reality, I'm not exactly that talented. Yes, I can somewhat sing, but I'm not especially talented in music, neither can I dance or act. To make those dreams a reality, most would have gone through vocal trainings, dance from young, went for acting lessons and the list goes on. Well, I'm probably just a mediocre singer and I'm not exactly creative, so its pretty challenging to know what I'm good at and what I'm interested in. One thing I do know is that, I am extremely horrible in the sciences, other than math, and so I guess I'm slightly better in the humanities? So I came to the conclusion that I'd do something in the humanities or social sciences. My first choice is to get into the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, also known as FASS, in NUS. I believe the chances are quite slim, since its pretty popular and my grades just suck big time. But I really really really do hope that I can be offered a place. Praying really really hard that I can.

Maybe some of you are also dealing with things not meeting your expectations or things not going your way. I might not be in the best position to tell you this since I can be pretty pessimistic, but just remember, be positive. Grades don't define who you are, neither do your failures or successes. (I'm not really sure what defines us though) Comparison steals joy, don't get caught up in comparisons or what people have to say. As long as whatever you do is morally right , why should you bother about what they have to say. Ultimately, you are you, no one can change that.  And you know what? Things are going to be okay in the end so if they're not, then its not the end. 

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January & February 2015

2:04 AM

Its been a month! And I wanted to post all the happy stuff before tomorrow when my mood is likely to be shitty. The long awaited (for me) January & February compilation! 
My friends came to visit me at work which was really sweet for them! But we took this chance to celebrate my friend's Birthday! I think she was slightly surprised! SO SUCCESS!
Thats about it in January since I was mostly working, sleeping and eating. Social life = 0

Come February which is nearing Chinese New Year, we had to have our yearly steamboat reunion dinner just the four of us and my sis' boyfriend & not to forget our dog! Who had too much tofu and puked right after that.
We also went back to Jakarta for the new year! Our flight was delayed once again... No surprise there. But the above picture was taken after our reunion dinner with my maternal extended family. My sis, me and my nieces! I have no idea what I was looking at... Ruining a perfectly good picture.
Second day of CNY, a family photo.
Also I forgot to mention that I had been coughing and had a major runny nose for 2 weeks leading up to CNY... My nose had been a real joy to have... And when I got back to Singapore... That turned into a fever and non stop puking. That was not fun.. AT ALL. Seems like I'm more suited to stay in Indo than to come back. Appetite has not been good, you know how miserable it is to look at all the good food and yet not able to devour them all???

This was taken Friday night with my colleagues who have left me behind... :(( 
Gonna be missing them... Also fewer lunch buddies at work. Thankful to have met them though! That's about it for the 2 months, nothing much exciting since I've been holed up either in the office or home. I think I have some missing events in between but these were basically the bigger moments? Hope y'all had been well for the past 2 months! Now I have to get back to reality and my nerves. Till next time!

music lovin'

Music Lovin' #13 (Year 3000 - Busted)

12:09 AM

Hi people on the internet! Maybe some of you have heard of this song by the Jonas Brothers but in actual fact, the song was originallu performed by Busted! The song is pretty meaningless but its a fun song nonetheless. I'm pretty busy nowadays since I now have a job! Its not that bad so far, tiring yes but not horrible. I need the money anyway... For my pocket money. Anyway, hopr everyone's having a great start in the new year and maybe jam out with this song? Till next time! Cheerio!

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